Wednesday, April 8, 2009

"Ohhh, Mariah Carey..." Part 4,325.

Ohhh, Mariah Carey... You know what, I used to really love you. I used to roller-skate around my basement listening to your CDs and sang 'Dreamlover' on the playground.

And now? Well, now not so much. You seemed to have lost your amazing, glass-shattering voice. In fact, these days when you do get on stage, you lipsynch. Sure, we expect that from Britney Spears but not from you. You're Mariah Freakin' Carey, for God's sakes.

Second of all, get a stylist. Seriously. Get. A. Stylist. Mariah honey, you are 40 years old. And don't get me wrong, your body is smokin' hot for a 40 year old. But, this whole platform-shoe, mini skirt, 90's esque thing you've got goin' on is making me absolutely crazy. Every outfit you wear is like nails on a chalkboard for me. You have an ungodly amount of money, so why are you dressing like a 17 year old girl in 1997? Just stop it.

Third, you married Nick Cannon. Enough said.

Last, did you perm your hair? That is going to put me over the edge...

The end.


Anonymous said...

First off, she can still SING like no other. She didn't lipsynch at the Inauguration and she blew it up! I saw her in 2006 in a concert and I was floored she was unbelievable. Second, that's her natural hair, she was in the Caribbean and then South Africa and she said her hair frizzes out and curls, so she just let it. Third, I agree, some more demure clothes would be nice. But from the days I skated in my basement to Dreamlover as well, to the current days I jam to Touch My Body at the bar, I will aloways love Mariah.

Veronica Hohenstein said...

A die-hard Mariah fan. I love it! Keep the comments comin'!