Sunday, July 21, 2013

Men Have It So Easy.

"Ohh, you showered today and have health insurance. I'm in love!"

I found myself, as I often do, wandering through my local Sephora. I was having a lackluster day and got to thinking about how guys have it so easy. 

No tireless searches for the perfect summer lipstick (which is “Heat Wave” by NARS in case you were wondering). No quests to find the right bronzer that makes you glow without glowing like Snooki. 

Men have it so easy. 

Frankly, I feel like some women's standards are so low these days that if you can tackle any of the steps below you're way, way ahead of the pack. 

 1.  Smell nice: Ugh, I just love a good-smelling man. A little spritz of a great cologne and I’m yours. Disclaimer: Less is more in this department. If I can smell you across the entire bar it’s too much. That means you, guy-at-the-club-with-the-deep-v-neck. Also, Axe Body Spray does not constitute cologne. I feel like this is obvious, but you never know with some people.
2. Shoes: Throw away those God-awful square toe dress shoes. You know the kind. The ones you bought in high school for senior prom. A classic wingtip shoe will make you feel and look like James Bond.
3. Pump my gas: Call me a 1950’s housewife but I love when a man pumps my gas. Especially when it’s 20 degrees outside and sleeting rain.
4. Walk with me and not in front of me: Look, if I am wearing heels my pace is about cut in half. And frankly, I am wearing heels to look hot for you so slow the eff down.
5. Learn to cook a few good meals: A man who can cook a meal that doesn't include Hamburger Helper might as well be Wolfgang Puck in my eyes.
6.  Be kind to the wait staff: A man who is polite to our waitress at dinner is a huge plus. Chances are if you’re comfortable barking orders at a waitress over forgetting to bring my Diet Coke you’re probably a total ass. Bonus points for being a good tipper.
7.  Bring soup/medicine/whatever when I’m sick: If you show up with soup or cough drops or whatever else I need when I look and feel like utter death you’re probably a keeper. Also, if you can look at me for more than a few minutes in my sweats, red, runny nose and messy bed-head then I suspect you’re a pretty decent human being because even I can’t stand to look at myself like that. 

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Amy said...

Love it. Interesting that you posted this blog b/c recently I had a convo with a former coworker about how men do have it easier than women (in more than just a few ways) and that he is really grateful that he was born a male!

Ted said...

I appreciate the way you say some of these things, but as to the content, I think you sell yourself far too short. If I offend, I apologize, but I believe you are more than this post shows.

As a man, I strive to be more than a spritz of cologne and the most basic of courtesies like walking next to the person you are spending time with. I am trying to be a compassionate, thoughtful human leading a meaningful life, which means nurturing and caring for my partner. Girls do have it hard. We live in a culture gone insane that expects them to be sex objects at all times. Guys have it hard in much the same way, believe it or not. In a culture gone insane, please set your sights high and raise your expectations. I hope you think and expect better of yourself, of women, and of men, than this.

Veronica said...

Thanks, Ted. I couldn't agree with you more. Ladies do really sell themselves short in so many ways and our standards are set far too low.

Thanks for being the voice for the intelligent, tenderhearted men out there!