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| "Ohh, you showered today and have health insurance. I'm in love!" |
I found myself, as I often do, wandering through my local Sephora. I was having a lackluster day and got to thinking about how guys have it so easy.
No tireless searches for the perfect summer lipstick (which is “Heat Wave” by NARS in case you were wondering). No quests to find the right bronzer that makes you glow without glowing like Snooki.
Men have it so easy.
Frankly, I feel like some women's standards are so low these days that if you can tackle any of the steps below you're way, way ahead of the pack.
1. Smell nice: Ugh, I just love a good-smelling
man. A little spritz of a great cologne and I’m yours. Disclaimer: Less is more
in this department. If I can smell you across the entire bar it’s too much.
That means you, guy-at-the-club-with-the-deep-v-neck. Also, Axe Body Spray does
not constitute cologne. I feel like this is obvious, but you never know with
some people.
2. Shoes: Throw away those God-awful square toe
dress shoes. You know the kind. The ones you bought in high school for senior
prom. A classic wingtip shoe will make you feel and look like James Bond.
3. Pump my gas: Call me a 1950’s housewife but I
love when a man pumps my gas. Especially when it’s 20 degrees outside and
sleeting rain.
4. Walk with me and not in front of me: Look, if I
am wearing heels my pace is about cut in half. And frankly, I am wearing heels
to look hot for you so slow the eff down.
5. Learn to cook a few good meals: A man who can
cook a meal that doesn't include Hamburger Helper might as well be Wolfgang
Puck in my eyes.
6. Be kind to the wait staff: A man who is
polite to our waitress at dinner is a huge plus. Chances are if you’re comfortable
barking orders at a waitress over forgetting to bring my Diet Coke you’re
probably a total ass. Bonus points for being a good tipper.
7. Bring soup/medicine/whatever when I’m sick: If
you show up with soup or cough drops or whatever else I need when I look and
feel like utter death you’re probably a keeper. Also, if you can look at me for
more than a few minutes in my sweats, red, runny nose and messy bed-head then I
suspect you’re a pretty decent human being because even I can’t stand to look
at myself like that.
